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Band 6.5

The graph illustrates the proportion of pattern changes of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the United Kingdom

The graph illustrates the proportion of pattern changes of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the United Kingdom
#proportion #pattern #changes #access #technology #homes #kingdom
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The graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of households in the UK
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 been accessing modern technology
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 four different devices
such
Linking Words
 as
home
Use synonyms
 computer, CD player, mobile phone and internet
access
Use synonyms
 during the
period
Use synonyms
 of 1996 to 2002 in terms of
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it could be clearly identified that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 each
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 every type of modern technology had shown increases trend but among these
trends
Add a comma
,trends
show examples
 we can demonstrate
home
Use synonyms
 computer
access
Use synonyms
 was
increase
Use synonyms
 rapidly.
However
Linking Words
,
CD
Add an article
the CD
show examples
 player was the most popular household technology throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. In the year 1996/97, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of usage of
CD
Add an article
the CD
show examples
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 was around sixty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 (60%) and it had
then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 slightly to a value of approximately 70% after a year and after that, the value had
climb
Wrong verb form
climbed
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 slightly passing around 78% and hitting point of 83% in the year 2000 and 2002 respectively.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of the
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
access
Wrong verb form
accessing
show examples
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 but after
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1998 there was a gradual
increase
Use synonyms
 to 30% and
then
Linking Words
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 to
level
Add an article
the level
a level
show examples
 of 45%. But out of these technologies
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 was internet
access
Use synonyms
.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of the
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 mobile phone usage was less than
home
Use synonyms
 computers and it was the third largest
percentage
Use synonyms
 but after one-year 1998 it was outracing
home
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 computers and mobile usage become
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
70%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 and
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 rise to
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 largest
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ridminayani on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, home, access, period, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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