IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some argue that the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#argue #aim #science #people #lives
It is believed that the most crucial goal of
science
 should be making
people
's
lives
 better.
Although
 some
people
 disagree with
this
 idea, I totally think
this
 should be the first priority of
science
. The first reason why improving
humans'
Correct your spelling
human lives
lives
 is too prominent is that it will lead to a higher level of
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. When
people
 have a better quality of life, they are most likely to live happier and
hopeful
Correct quantifier usage
more hopeful
show examples
.
For example
, during
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
pandemic
Add a comma
,pandemic
show examples
 the majority of scientists were trying to make a vaccine to eradicate the
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
show examples
 and they eventually made
a
Correct pronoun usage
it a
show examples
success.
As a result
,
people
 now are capable of spending their time outside with ease.
Additionally
, by emphasizing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
improving
people
's quality of life as the most important aim of
science
, prevention can be the most significant result.
In other words
, when scientists are aware of their role in order to make citizens'
lives
 better,they teach
people
 how they can improve their physical and mental health.
Thus
, the level of illnesses
Add the comma(s)
, as well as the cost of treatment,
show examples
as well as
 the cost of treatment would be reduced. Some argue that the most important responsible of
science
 should be saving the environment. They refer to
Correct article usage
the glabal
show examples
glabal
Correct your spelling
global
 warming phenomenon and
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 catastrophic consequences
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the future of humanity.
However
, I believe the performance of humans itself is the first reason why the globe is going to be warmer so through enhancing individuals' knowledge, many environmental issues would be declined. In conclusion, I think the ultimate goal of
science
 should be making mankind's
lives
 better as it brings
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and prevention of many mental and physical diseases.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: