Some people believe that schools should reward those students who show excellent academic performance while some believe that only the ones who show significant improvement in the grades should be rewarded. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Irrefutably,
rewards
given in schools help in encouraging
students
towards hard work.
However
, some individuals believe that prizes should be given to
students
who score the highest
marks
in academics.
Whilst others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
accept that scholars who show substantial improvement in their scores should be given
rewards
. I fervently agree that both notions can reap astounding benefits for
students
. I shall discuss the same in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, juveniles who achieve excellent grades in studies should be given prizes, as a token of appreciation.
For instance
,
students
who receive awards from their principal, teachers, or parents for gaining attractive grades in academics are enthusiastic to continue the same hard work and dedication towards
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
.
Therefore
, these
rewards
help in enhancing the
overall
academic grades of educational institutions.
Moreover
, when awards are given to
students
who secure higher
marks
, it
further
creates tough competition among intelligent peers to gain an in-depth knowledge of subjects and score higher
marks
than others.
Thus
, it leads to more informed and learned citizens.
Nevertheless
, giving
rewards
to
students
who show significant development in their
marks
is
also
a sagacious approach.
For example
,
students
who acquire prizes for their continuous journey towards academic improvement or progress are more successful in reaching their goal of attaining attractive
marks
. Because they think their efforts are recognized and appreciated by someone, which
further
boosts them to continue learning.
Furthermore
, giving
rewards
to
students
who are gradually ameliorating their class performance can
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
the number of academically weak
students
, as each student will make
Correct article usage
an efforts
show examples
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
to gain a prize.
Thus
,
rewards
act as a perk for scholars, to encourage them towards learning.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that
rewards
can always bring fruitful results to proliferate the literacy rate.
Also
, giving awards to intelligent
students
as well as
to those who show progress in studies, are equally crucial and should be cherished.
Submitted by varindervarinder1996 on

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task response
The essay covers both views and provides a clear opinion at the end. The points made are relevant and well-supported with examples. There is a good logical structure in the essay, but the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
There is a strong logical structure in the essay and the points are well supported with examples. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed to provide a better framework for the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic performance
  • excellent academic performance
  • significant improvement
  • motivates
  • aspires
  • intelligence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • competitive spirit
  • academic success
  • struggle academically
  • perseverance
  • innate ability
  • confidence
  • valued
  • growth mindset
  • inclusive environment
  • holistic education
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