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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe if a police force carries a guns, it will encourage the level of violence in the society. To what extent you agree or disagess

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It has always been argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
police
Use synonyms
 equipping
guns
Use synonyms
 is likely to contribute to more
violence
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 given statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay shall shed light upon my perspective in the subsequent paragraphs.  Foremost,
police
Use synonyms
 carrying
guns
Use synonyms
 does not mean having lower rates of
violence
Use synonyms
,
criminals
Use synonyms
 will likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do the same to protect themselves.
Guns
Use synonyms
 only can be used in extreme conditions so if
police
Use synonyms
 officers have the authority to keep the safety
on
Change preposition
of
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 society, the same rule can
also
Linking Words
 apply to
criminals
Use synonyms
, who may use
guns
Use synonyms
 to do criminal activities
as well as
Linking Words
 to prevent themselves from getting hurt.
As a result
Linking Words
, the more
guns
Use synonyms
 they carry, the higher rate of
violence
Use synonyms
 on the streets. In order to decrease the level of
violence
Use synonyms
, governments should regulate the use of
guns
Use synonyms
 for citizens and train
Use synonyms
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 force properly when facing dangerous situations. Paradoxically, a weapon can promote discipline and reduce crime in the community. Because
criminals
Use synonyms
 will be aware of the available armed force, they will be less likely to follow offensive activities. Lawbreakers will be more cautious before committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
, and
hence
Linking Words
 the crime rate will deteriorate rapidly.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the general public will
also
Linking Words
 experience a more protected environment and will feel secure. The more
police
Use synonyms
 officers have firearms, the more safe and secure our life will become.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it will encourage the level of
violence
Use synonyms
 in society, the
police
Use synonyms
 using
guns
Use synonyms
 could curb
violence
Use synonyms
 because it could deter people from violating the law and reduce
criminals
Use synonyms
 escaping from arrest.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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