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Writing Samples /
Band 8

In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success
While
 some argue that individuals can achieve more in countries and societies egalitarian, others take the view that people only will be in a high level of achievement
according to
 their individual merits. In my opinion, I agree with the first point of view. On one side of the argument, some people hold the opinion that to be at the peak of a society you need to be in equal conditions. What
this
 community refers to is that if you are in a region where everybody has the same laws, it is easier to achieve the highest level of personal achievement. I support
this
 idea because I saw egalitarian countries where it was easier to have an important job than in other unfair countries.
For example
, in Paris, which is a modern city, we can find men, women, young or even old employees in big companies,
this
 diversity is
due to
 the individuals who hold the power and do not look the genre o the age, but the person with the best skills. Despite these aforementioned views, other people believe that the most important thing is personal merits. I disagree with that as many workers can achieve their objectives because they are in an unfair population.
For instance
, I read a case of a young woman who had amazing skills and an amazing career, and she did not enter into a company
due to
 the fact that she was a woman. What I want to say is that sometimes personal merits are not enough.
To sum up
, both opinions are interesting,
nevertheless
, I do not agree with the second point of view.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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