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Band 5

The map below shows the changes that have taken palce at the waterfront area of a town calles Darwin between 2009 and 2014.

The map below shows the changes that have taken palce at the waterfront area of a town calles Darwin between 2009 and 2014.
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The maps illustrate how the waterfront
area
Use synonyms
 in Darwin changed over the 4-year period.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 most of the industrial areas have been turned into forests and residential areas.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
town
Use synonyms
’s infrastructure was
also
Linking Words
 renovated with the addition of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
harbors
Change the spelling
harbours
show examples
 and more footpaths. Looking at
map
Capitalize word
Map
show examples
 1 , we can see that the major part of the
town
Use synonyms
 was covered by the industrial
area
Use synonyms
.To the north of
this
Linking Words
 building was a lake, some trees and
industrial
Correct article usage
an industrial
show examples
area
Use synonyms
.There was
also
Linking Words
 a footpath which encircled the centre of the
town
Use synonyms
. There were two swimming pools beside the footpath and a fishing
area
Use synonyms
 In 2014, the industrial
area
Use synonyms
 was demolished to make room for a number of trees and amenities. In the North of the map,
while
Linking Words
 the industrial
area
Use synonyms
 has been replaced by the swimming pool, there were no
instead
Linking Words
 of the school, convention centre and lake.In the centre of the
town
Use synonyms
, there are three residential buildings that have been built adjacent to the three old buildings.
In addition
Linking Words
,a university building was erected to the West of the
area
Use synonyms
.In the seashore of the
town
Use synonyms
, a
Change the spelling
harbours
show examples
harbors
Change the noun form
harbor
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 was constructed

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in addition".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, town with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 3 times.
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