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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people decide to start their own busniess instead of working hour for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #busniess #hour #company #organization #business
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Nowadays, the majority of individuals are inspired to be self-employed rather than being an employee in either a company or organization. I personally believe the benefits
such
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 as flexible working hours and
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to earn much more profit far outweigh any potential drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, there is a plethora of advantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 being a self-employed businessman. Despite some struggles at the beginning, the start-uppers may become successful and create job opportunities for other
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, the amount of time spent on
work
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 depends on
willingness
Add an article
the willingness
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 of the boss. Whether they
work
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 hard and long, and
consequently
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 earn lots of money, or they might shorten their working hours and
as a result
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 reduce their income,
whereas
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 in large
companies
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,
people
Use synonyms
 only have an hourly salary, and it does not matter, whether they do their best at
work
Use synonyms
 or have worked extra, they will have the appointed salary.
Moreover
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, there are some
people
Use synonyms
 who can not
work
Use synonyms
 under someone's control, they want to have financial freedom and become independent, working on
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
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. On the negative side,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-employed individuals may face some difficulties at the real beginning of developing their business.
Although
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, the bosses need to
work
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 extra in order to become successful at the opening stage of their business,
however
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 as their
companies
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 grow, the risks of losing everything might cause health problems for individuals.
For instance
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, the recent investigation has demonstrated that
,
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apply
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 9 out of ten
companies
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 become bankrupt in the first five-year period.
Apart from
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this
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,
people
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 working for themselves can not enjoy all the perks and facilities, which are provided in world-scale
companies
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as Amazon or Apple, which provide their employees with bonuses, paid vacations, health insurance and etc. In conclusion, in spite of factors
such
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 as creating a successful empire and
also
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,
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
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 relaxed and confident, it is worth
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to begin
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beginning
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 a new job,
however
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 there are some disadvantages, which I consider as unimportant.
Submitted by choriev.safar on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • entrepreneurship
  • start-up
  • self-employed
  • financial autonomy
  • business venture
  • profit margins
  • flexible schedule
  • personal satisfaction
  • business failure
  • work-life balance
  • financial risk
  • increased responsibility
  • economic instability
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