IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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There is an ongoing debate regarding the investment of the
government
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 in its
budget
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. A group of individuals believe that the
government
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 must dedicate money to public
services
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.
However
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, others argue that authorities
also
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 should take care of the
arts
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 and
theatre
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instead
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 of ignoring them .
Therefore
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, ahead of my
opinion
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 , both views will be discussed
further
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. Examining the former
opinion
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, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is
government
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 should invest the
budget
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 in public
services
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.
This
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 is because public
services
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 play a vital role in improving
people
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's quality of life.
For example
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, public schools and hospitals provide essential
services
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 to everyone, supporting health and promoting personal and professional growth.
In addition
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, public transport reduces traffic jams and air pollution. Emergency
services
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,
such
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 as police and firefighters, help keep the living environment safe.
Therefore
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, public
services
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 make society more convenient and sustainable.
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter
opinion
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 have their own arguments.
To begin
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 with, I claim that the
government
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 should
also
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 devote their
budget
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 to
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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,
such
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 as music and
theatre
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. The reason is that the
arts
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 play a crucial role in society. First of all, it helps
people
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 relax and reduce stress after a long day.
For instance
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,
theatre
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 performances bring
people
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 together, creating stronger bonds in the community.
Moreover
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, traditional
arts
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 preserve cultural heritage and help young generations learn about their history
To conclude
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 and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against that the state invests its
budget
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 in public
services
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 without
arts
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 and
theatre
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.
However
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 certainly favour the latter
opinion
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. The reason is that both of them are essential for
people
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's lives. It
also
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 contributes to society and economic growth in the country

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task response
Estimated score: 6. Your view is not fully clear. You say you favour the latter view, but then say both areas are essential. State one clear answer: government should spend more on public services, but still give some money to the arts.
task response
Explain your view more. Say why public services should get more money first, or why art money is still needed. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Finish the last example in the arts paragraph. Add a full sentence after “their history.” For example: “This can help young people feel close to their country and its past.”
task response
Your examples are good but general. Add one more clear detail, such as free hospital care for poor people or local theatre shows that bring people into town shops and cafes.
coherence and cohesion
Your first paragraph says “both views will be discussed”, but it does not clearly say your answer. Put your view at the end of the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not natural. Do not use “On the contrary” here, because the second paragraph is not the complete opposite. Use “However” or “At the same time”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same point of view. Use “the government” instead of moving between “government”, “authorities”, “state”, and “their budget” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph end with a link to the question. For example: “For this reason, public services should receive most public money.”
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view: public services and the arts are both important.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: schools, hospitals, transport, police, and fire services help people; arts can lower stress and keep culture alive.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, public services, arts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words, such as “For example”, “In addition”, “Moreover”, and “Therefore”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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