IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows women in poverty in the United States and bar chart compares poverty rates by gender.

The pie chart shows women in poverty in the United States and bar chart compares poverty rates by gender.
#women #poverty #states #bar #rates #gender
The two charts illustrate the rate of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in poverty in different household
composition
Fix the agreement mistake
compositions
show examples
 and the level of poverty by sex and
age
. Generally speaking, the majority of poor
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 are single
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 without
children
, followed by
singsle
Correct your spelling
single
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 with
children
. In terms of gender and
age
, both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 in the non-working
age
 have the highest trend in poverty,
this
figure
 decreased
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
 time and rose again at the
retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
age
. A closer look at the pie chart reveals that more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of poor
woman’s
Change noun form
woman
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 belong to
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 with no
children
 dependent, which was 54%.
This
figure
 was 28% more than that
figure
 of poor
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 with dependent
children
. Only 20%
married
Change preposition
of married
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 lived in poor in 2008. Particularly, only 12% of
married
Add an article
a married
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 with
children
 dependent and 8% of those without
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
 was poor. In terms of gender and sex,
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 5
age
 group had the highest poor rate in the chart: more than 20%.
This
figure
 for both men and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
then
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 dropped until the
age
 of 45 - 54 to 6% and 7% respectively. Only the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
-24
age
 group did not follow the trend when there was more than 20% of poor rate, which was equal to the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 5
year old
Add a hyphen
year-old
show examples
 group. At the
retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
age
, the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 poor
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 generally increased to 15%,
while
 that
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 men continue to decrease to 5%.
Submitted by namle.ivce on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words woman, age, children, figure with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 9 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: