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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
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The provided data consists of a
pie
Use synonyms
chart
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 giving information about transport types in terms of percentages ,
along with
Linking Words
 a
table
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 detailing the proportion breakdown for
car
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 use in
Edminton
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Edmonton
.
Overall
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, the
pie
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chart
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 revealed the varying popularity of four transfer modes, with one clearly dominating,
while
Linking Words
 the
table
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 detailed 5 reasons for using cars, with a notable variation in the importance of each factor.
According to
Linking Words
 the
pie
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chart
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 , it showed that
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car
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cars
show examples
 accounted for the largest share at just under half, significantly reaching the others. In comparison ,
bus
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buses
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 and
taxi
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taxis
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 each held a smaller, equal share at ten per cent ,
while
Linking Words
 LRT captured 35%.
This
Linking Words
 indicated a clear preference for
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car
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cars
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the other modes of transport were less
favored
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favoured
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
table
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 highlighted the reasons influencing the decision to use a
car
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, commuting to work was the most important reason, strongly chosen by people
with
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apply
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55%, followed by taking children to school and business reasons , which were
also
Linking Words
 notable but less influential than commuting to work, with a display of 40-45%. Shopping and leisure activities were relatively less serious , with the latter being the least compelling reason for
car
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 use. Both showed 15%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the data illustrated a strong inclination towards
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car
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cars
show examples
 in the
pie
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chart
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, which correlated with the prioritization of commuting to work in the
table
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, chart, table, car with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rates
  • female unemployment
  • data representation
  • overall trend
  • disparities
  • regional differences
  • insight
  • analysis
  • significant changes
  • employment policies
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