IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can'f afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #f #behavior #action
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Unfortunately
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,Unfortunately
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 our world lately became very materialistic.
People
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over use
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overuse
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credit
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 cards to buy goods that they don't really need and
thet
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that
 they cannot actually afford. In my
opinion
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,opinion
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this
Linking Words
 behaviour is a consequence of
the
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apply
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social media and the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 are
to
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too
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 worried about other
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people
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people's
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 thoughts.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with the advent of social platforms
as
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such as
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 Tik Tok and Instagram,
people
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 in general are much more under
eye
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the eye
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 than before. So, everyone feels like they have to act as influencers and show that they have an amazing life. The problem is that most of the
times
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time
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 they cannot afford
this
Linking Words
life style
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lifestyle
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, so they abuse
of
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apply
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credit
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 cards, keeping accumulating debts that hardly they would pay back on time.
Moreover
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, with
this
Linking Words
 behaviour, these
people
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 will get to a point where they are full of
debts
Fix the agreement mistake
debt
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. With a really low
credit
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 score, they will not be able to afford the
life style
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lifestyle
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 that they
were use
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were used
were using
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 to
have
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apply
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. My suggestion is that
,
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apply
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 Banks should not allow everyone to have
credit
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 cards, or in the case they have good credentials, check constantly on them. As soon they start to put back the money too late, block the
founds
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funds
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,
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apply
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 until they
restor
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restore
 the account. Avoiding them to spend too much money which they don't actually own. So, I truly believe that
this
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 pathetic behaviour
come
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comes
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 from the reality that
people
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, in the new world, really like to show off and make others think that they are rich. We all should be more humble and do what we can, not caring about the judgments. What really matters is how we are inside, not the expensive car or the
jewelery
Correct your spelling
jewellery
 that we possess.
Submitted by leccaantonio1992 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer culture
  • Conform
  • Societal influence
  • Financial literacy
  • Budgeting
  • Interest rates
  • Credit management
  • Impulsive purchases
  • Marketing strategies
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Emotional spending
  • Cope with stress
  • Availability of credit
  • Buy-now-pay-later schemes
  • Cycle of spending
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