IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth.
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The diagram illustrates several steps of how not only the development of the silkworm takes place but
also
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 the manufacture of silk cloth is carried out.
It is clear that
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 there are 4 main stages in the life cycle of the silkworm, from eggs to adult moths.
Besides
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, the process of making silk comprises 4 basic steps, beginning with selecting cocoons and ending with the resulting products. As can be seen, eggs are laid on the leaves of the plant. After 10 days, the larva emerges from the egg and starts to feed on mulberry leaves. About 4-6 months later, it is nearly covered by the silk thread before becoming a cocoon in the following week. Over the next 2 weeks, an adult moth gets out of the cocoon and the cycle keeps going all over again. Regarding the production of the fibre, once the cocoons are chosen, they are boiled in water at a high temperature.
Subsequently
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, those are left for unwinding, and the threads are checked if they reach 300-900 metres long before being twisted and dyed.
Finally
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, threads are weaved and dyed as well.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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