IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

#crime #rate #teenagers #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
No doubt the rate of
crime
Use synonyms
 among youngsters is increasing rapidly nowadays and is considered one of the leading issues in the world. There could be
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of reasons behind it but the main reasons might be poverty,
Use synonyms
crime based
Add a hyphen
crime-based
show examples
 games and movies etc.
However
Linking Words
, the good news is that now
this
Linking Words
 issue is being highlighted and a lot of initiatives are being taken to overcome
this
Linking Words
. Now
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 talk
over
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the factors
due to
Linking Words
 which theft is on
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 youngsters. The main and most common reason is poverty. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents do not get empathy amount of their basic needs and at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 time they cannot find any alternate way to earn money so they jump towards
crime
Use synonyms
 and start hurting people and
steal
Wrong verb form
stealing
show examples
 their precious items or
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
fulfill
Replace the word
fulfilling
show examples
 their needs. and because they have no proper guidance and check from their homes so slowly and gradually
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 small crimes they turn into giant gangsters and involve in all sought of illegal activities. Another reason for
rapid
Add an article
the rapid
a rapid
show examples
 increase in
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate could be movies and games that involve criminal activities and
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
 on kids, they are exposed to these and
as a result
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a very young age they develop a criminal mind and
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in various kinds of criminal acts and find it normal for them and enjoy
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 it.
However
Linking Words
, if we look into
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for stopping these dangerous acts. The very first thing parents should have
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 supervision
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their children and should turn on parental control on their phone to know every second update of what their kid is up to
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if they find anything suspicious, they sit with their kids and guide them how
this
Linking Words
 can be harmful to them and motivate them towards good acts and make them obedient and responsible.
Last
Linking Words
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least
such
Linking Words
 issue should be taken
serious
Change the word
seriously
show examples
 and government needs to
be awaken
Change the verb form
be awakened
show examples
 and focus on not only
this
Linking Words
 but all sought
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminal activities happening around and should make sure they punish all criminals. That’s how everyone will live in peace and have harmony among them.
Submitted by khannaughty26 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: