IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that many
health
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 problems
are exist
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the daily
consumption
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in
Change preposition
of
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 a number of sugary and food drinks processed by the
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturer
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is agreed to put a high rate
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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non-sugar free
Add a hyphen
non-sugar-free
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 in order to promote
people
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avoid
Fix the infinitive
to avoid
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 sugar
consumption
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate
why
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on why
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 I disagree with the aforementioned debate. Taxing sugary
products
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 unable to guarantee
people
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 in lowering their
consumption
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on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 high-sugar intake food or drinks. Wealthy-family or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gold spoon
people
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 can still purchase the
products
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 and create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant differences
to
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in
show examples
 insulin-related
health
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 problems, which
related
Add a missing verb
are related
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 to high-sugar intake,
makes
Wrong verb form
making
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majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of them
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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experience
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-communicable disease. Whenever a person has income to buy, the pattern
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 lower sugar
consumption
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 will remain the same. Meanwhile, it should be appropriate to promote
a
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apply
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healthy living
behavior
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behaviour
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 and keep a good dietary campaign for
people
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 to practice.
Conversely
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, rather than dealing with a complex sugary tax rule and system, it would be much
impactful
Correct quantifier usage
more impactful
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 if
people
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 actively maintain
sport
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sports
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 activities and transform their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in
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into
show examples
 consuming healthy diets. It is scientifically proven that keeping physical exercise on track will increase the
body
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body's
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 metabolism and fitness level which are positive measures to protect the body from any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of
health
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 alteration in the future. Another
health
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 promotion campaign is to consume a
high fiber
Add a hyphen
high-fiber
show examples
 diet alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
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meats and dairy
products
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 as protein supply.
To conclude
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, increasing the rate of sugary food and drinks is not the only key to
hinder
Wrong verb form
hindering
show examples
people
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 take a high dose of sugar
consumption
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.
On the other hand
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, the author strongly
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 Individuals to maintain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular training
while
Linking Words
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 them to have a healthy dietary pattern by consuming more fruits and vegetables.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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