IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows the rates of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club between 1983 and 2003.

The graph shows the rates of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club between 1983 and 2003.
#rates #participation #three #activities #uk #sports #club
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates how club members participated in swimming,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 and
gym
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 in UK
sports
Use synonyms
 within a twenty-year period, from 1983 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the rate of participation in
team
Use synonyms
 sport and
gym
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 increased significantly over the time period
while
Linking Words
 swimming reduced dramatically within the time frame. The participants who swam were the highest of the three
sports
Use synonyms
 in 1983 with a rate of 50%. It
then
Linking Words
 fell drastically to a little above 10% by 1998 after which it stayed constant in 2003. In 1983, the percentage of participation in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 and
gym
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 was nearly 5% and around 40% respectively.
Gym
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 rose sharply to almost 40% by 1998
then
Linking Words
 reduced gradually to 30% in 2003.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 participation in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 rocketed reaching the rate of swimming at 20% between 1993 and 1998. it
then
Linking Words
 experienced a surge to over 25% in 1998 and
subsequently
Linking Words
 increased steadily to around 25% by 2003.
Submitted by yahayasonde2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words team, sports, gym, activities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • trend
  • participation rates
  • significant increases/decreases
  • pattern
  • stability
  • growth
  • decline
  • membership
  • comparison
  • socio-economic events
  • historical context
  • period of analysis
  • peak
  • popularity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: