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some people say that it is responsibility of the individual to save money for their own care after they retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #responsibility #money #care
It is often argued by some folks that
people
 should put aside monthly savings for their retirement. I agree with
this
 statement and discuss it in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, retirement is most beneficial for
people
 when they are at the oldest age.
Firstly
,
people
 can save
money
 with their salaries
this
 is more helpful for their
future
 time period.
For example
,
people
 save
money
 in the bank for financial problems in
future
.
Secondly
, some persons preserve
money
 for charity work and provide facilities within the NGO in the
future
 time and secure their own
future
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
. To clarify, the famous actor Sonu Sood
does work
Wrong verb form
works
show examples
 hard for helpless
people
 and provides various kinds of facilities for his own salary.
On the other hand
, it is most significant for saving
money
 for the
future
although
 some nations in paying
taxes
 on home equipment, groceries, home tax, income tax and many more for
future
 security.
For instance
,
people
 would
tax
Verb problem
be
show examples
 paid from income tax in their own salary in the
Newzealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
show examples
.
Moreover
, tax-paying is more beneficial for
future
 health treatment, education for children and financially saving for a family's
future
 as some persons save the
future
 by earning
money
 and paying
taxes
 for saving a family's
future
 in foreign countries. some
people
 are
taxes
 paying on their own salary after retirement they do not have a burden on their own families. The government provide all facilities for their personal needs
such
 as health treatment, provides the house for homeless
people
, completing their essential needs and many more.
To conclude
, saving
money
 is beneficial for own personal needs and family needs
as well as
taxes
 paying are security for
future
 life.
Submitted by kaurj8901 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve your essay structure by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs. Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and that your conclusion summarizes your main points. Consider using topic sentences for each body paragraph to introduce the main idea.
task response
Address the topic more comprehensively by ensuring that your examples and ideas directly relate to the prompt. Provide a clear position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement and support it throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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