IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say that it is responsibility of the individual to save money for their own care after they retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #responsibility #money #care
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It is often argued by some folks that
people
Use synonyms
 should put aside monthly savings for their retirement. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and discuss it in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, retirement is most beneficial for
people
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 when they are at the oldest age.
Firstly
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,
people
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 can save
money
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 with their salaries
this
Linking Words
 is more helpful for their
future
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 time period.
For example
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,
people
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 save
money
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 in the bank for financial problems in
future
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some persons preserve
money
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 for charity work and provide facilities within the NGO in the
future
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 time and secure their own
future
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Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
. To clarify, the famous actor Sonu Sood
does work
Wrong verb form
works
show examples
 hard for helpless
people
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 and provides various kinds of facilities for his own salary.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is most significant for saving
money
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 for the
future
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although
Linking Words
 some nations in paying
taxes
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 on home equipment, groceries, home tax, income tax and many more for
future
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 security.
For instance
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,
people
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 would
tax
Verb problem
be
show examples
 paid from income tax in their own salary in the
Newzealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
show examples
.
Moreover
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, tax-paying is more beneficial for
future
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 health treatment, education for children and financially saving for a family's
future
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 as some persons save the
future
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 by earning
money
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 and paying
taxes
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 for saving a family's
future
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 in foreign countries. some
people
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 are
taxes
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 paying on their own salary after retirement they do not have a burden on their own families. The government provide all facilities for their personal needs
such
Linking Words
 as health treatment, provides the house for homeless
people
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, completing their essential needs and many more.
To conclude
Linking Words
, saving
money
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 is beneficial for own personal needs and family needs
as well as
Linking Words
taxes
Use synonyms
 paying are security for
future
Use synonyms
 life.
Submitted by kaurj8901 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve your essay structure by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs. Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and that your conclusion summarizes your main points. Consider using topic sentences for each body paragraph to introduce the main idea.
task response
Address the topic more comprehensively by ensuring that your examples and ideas directly relate to the prompt. Provide a clear position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement and support it throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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