IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some
university
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students
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 want to learn about other
subjects
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in addition
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 to their main
subjects
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. Others believe it is more important to give all their
time
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 and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. People have a myriad of views about
whether
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apply
show examples
the purpose of
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Correct article usage
a university's
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university's
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university
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 education. Some people may think that pupils should devote most of their
time
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in
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to
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 studying their main steam
subjects
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 in order to get the certificate, but in my opinion, I think it is better for studying other
subjects
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 in their
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university’s
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university
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 journey
due to
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 gaining the knowledge to have an all-round
development
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. Of the reasons why is crucial for
students
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allocating
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to allocate
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 most of the
time
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 to the main
subjects
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 during the
university
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's studying period, probably the most significant reason is that acquiring the knowledge and fulfilling the main
subjects
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' requirements are needing a long
time
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 for
students
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 to achieve, especially the
subjects
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 are required professional and technical skills. The degree of Doctor and Nursing are the prime examples to explain it. Those
subjects
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 are involving a bundle of homework and related studying, ranging from lots of examinations, a year-period internship,
a
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and a
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lot of tutorials and lectures. If those young people spend their
time
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 in other
subjects
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, they may not only be affected and get lower marks in their own results
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 may not
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the requirements of the
university
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's administration standard
due to
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 spending
less
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fewer
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 class hours on it.
Therefore
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, spending less
time
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 on their own subject might bring detrimental impacts on their whole
study
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 and
students
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 even resulting in not being graduated. Apart from getting a flying result in the
university
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, I personally believe that we should learn the
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 beyond our own compulsory
study
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 in order to build up
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
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 skills for
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
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 future
development
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. What I mean is that
university
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 is not only a place for you to get the tickets for better
earning
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earnings
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, but
also
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 cultivating the environment for gaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge and deciding your way for the future. Studying in other
subjects
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,
student
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students
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 can learn more and develop their own interest and
enhancing
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enhance
show examples
 their thinking and presenting skills.
For instance
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,
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subjects
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in subjects
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 like Philosophy,
Literatures
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Literature
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, History and Arts,
students
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 those
subjects
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 can gain the
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 that
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhances
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your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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senses
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sense
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 of beauty and logical thinking, which can be utilised in
the
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their
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 future career. As more and more multi-international companies are acquiring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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candidates who
study
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
History and Literatures
subjects
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, it indicated that they are requiring an all-rounded
development
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 employer
instead
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 of
those typical one
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that typical one
those typical ones
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 who only focus on their own subject. With
this
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 in mind,
students
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concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
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 on studying their own
subjects
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 may help them to get a better
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the requirements.
However
Linking Words
,
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university
Add an article
the university
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 is not just a place for getting passed, it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 precious period for gaining new
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and enhancing your all-rounded
development
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,
therefore
Linking Words
 I believe that
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 other
subjects
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 is more vital than only
focus
Replace the word
focusing
show examples
 on your own
subjects
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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