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Band 4

The top priority of the businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social resposibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #resposibilities
It's agreed that the top priority of the businesses is generating profit, and they don'
t
 need to have social
reposibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
, but some people
agure
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
 that.
Therefore
,I will introduce my idea about two problems in
this
 essay. On the one hand, many businesses just make
money
 and they don'
t
 have to be responsible for society. Indeed, by producing low-quality
goods
 and advertising
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 like good products, they can earn more
money
instead
 of being
critised
Correct your spelling
criticised
 by many consumers ,
this
 can provide enough
money
 for them to pay for their staff and materials.
Besides
, they don'
t
 have to support
money
 for many volunteering campaigns and they can use it for producing many new
goods
 or give many
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 more opportunities to have a job.
On the other hand
, they should be responsible for society. If they don'
t
 do that and produce low-quality
goods
, many customers won'
t
 believe them and don'
t
 pay anything
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
Thus
, they can get
loss
Add an article
a loss
show examples
 when selling their new products.
Furthermore
, doing many campaigns serving for
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 can give people
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 impression so there will be more consumers that are loyal to buy
goods
 from them. In conclusion, I believe that many companies should not only generate profit but
also
 take part in many
meaning
Replace the word
meaningful
show examples
 services like helping poor children living in the mountain. By doing
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that, they can earn more
money
as well as
 they can have strong loyalty from many people.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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