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Band 4

The top priority of businesses is making money , and they do not need to have social responsibilities . To what extent do you argee or disagree ?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities #argee
The aim of making money
of
Change preposition
for
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businesses
 is the top priority in spite of not having social
responsibilities
 .
While
 I accept that perception is
some what
Correct your spelling
somewhat
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 justifiable . I totally disagree with the statement and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will explain throughout the essay All individuals all over the world must have
the
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apply
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responsibilities
with
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
 , the
businesses
 will not
an
Add a missing verb
be an
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 exception .
Moreover
 , someone considers that getting rich is one of the most crucial
target
Change to a plural noun
targets
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 in their life.
However
, the development of business is related to the public . First of all , the success of
company
Correct article usage
the company
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due
Add a missing verb
is due
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 to
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 brand image
about
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in
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 the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. If the firms decide to grow
business
Correct pronoun usage
their business
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 , they will expand production land , which affects directly
to
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apply
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the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. More and more trees will be cut down for expanding
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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 sector . The more deforestation , the more soil erosion , which
cause
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causes
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 the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
environmental
 degradation .
Additionally
,
the
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apply
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gas emission from lots of
factory
Change to a plural noun
factories
show examples
 is
also
 one the most frustrating problem
On the other hand
 , there are a host of compelling reasons as to why
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 am convinced that it is essential to create
a
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apply
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job
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunity
opportunities
. The increase
of
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in
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 rates of employees may help
the
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apply
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society
 more stable . What is more , the benefits of workers
also
 play
an
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a
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 vital role in
the
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apply
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modern
society
 . That
a
Add a missing verb
is a
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reason why the firm must ensure the safety of them when they are working .
Furthermore
 , the corporations have to pay money annually and extra
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 for the worker .
Additionally
 , the
businesses
 must pay taxes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and
also
 take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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philanthropic actions
due to
 their
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
As a result
 , the company's production progress is more
efforless
Correct your spelling
effortless
 in order to maximize profits In conclusion ,
while
 it is irrefutable that
the
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apply
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corporations must have
the
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apply
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public
responsibilities
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would contend that they have to take action to ensure both
businesses
Change noun form
business's
businesses'
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 and
society
Change noun form
society's
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 advantages because of their
responsibilities
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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