IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The top priorty of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priorty #businesses #money #responsibilities
It is believed that making
money
 is the most important thing in businesses and it is
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 to be responsible to society.
This
 writer
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 opinion and will explain the reason why. First of all, it cannot be objected that making
money
 is essential to each person.
For example
, without
money
, people will not be able to afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine, food and clothes.
Additionally
, families owning lots of property are able to make
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 for their children to have better education and ensure their future life, both in skills and morality.
However
, to only
prioritze
Correct your spelling
prioritise
money
 can make a person more greedy and emotionless with other people, which would
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 them from the community.
This
 type of
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
 ready to harm anyone just to achieve their goals.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the opposite, a businessman who has social responsibilities is always loved and admired.
For example
, a rich who donates voluntarily would be known and remembered more than one
does
Correct pronoun usage
who does
show examples
 not.
Moreover
, their colleagues would be happy to help and
support
Correct pronoun usage
themsupport
show examples
, which will make their career much easier and be able to go
further
. To summarize,
as well as
 earning a lot of
money
, it is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to have social responsibilities in business. People and companies should care more about helping the poor and the
disable
Change the form of the verb
disabled
show examples
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: