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Band 2

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
Many
people
 believe that
people
 who are
businesses
 just want to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
 and
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 social responsibilities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 unnecessary. From my point of view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with
this
 statement. In
this
 era, society seems to develop too fast and the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 humans
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing. That
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
 earning money is one of the top priorities of humans. Some poor-quality
businesses
 use tricks to earn money from
people
 because they want to make a profit quickly and easily.
However
, it will make our
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
unresponsible and many
people
 will become suspicious . They have to improve their policy and work more responsibly.
On the other hand
, responsibility is very important in
businesses
. If they are responsible to their customers, they can improve their reputation and the business will be easier. It is momentous that
businesses
 can be legally responsible if they break the law.
Instead
 of treating customers, they should work responsibly and improve their reputation.
To sum up
, social responsibilities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 what
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
 should do. And the government must legislate for
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
unresponsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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