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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph demonstrates the amount earned by
graduates
Use synonyms
 of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups weekly in 2002. It includes those with a
degree
Use synonyms
, with a higher
degree
Use synonyms
 and the
ones
Use synonyms
 with other qualifications. The key feature shows that the number of
first
Use the right word
first-degree
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 from different
age
Use synonyms
 groups earned different amounts of money. The
ones
Use synonyms
 from the 21-25
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 earned just about 350£
while
Linking Words
 the
graduates
Use synonyms
 from the 36-45
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 earned the most, 690£.
In addition
Linking Words
, the highest upward trend was registered
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
those
show examples
Use synonyms
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with other qualifications. The people between 21 and 25 years earned 410£, which is more than the first
degree
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
graduates
Use synonyms
 with other qualifications with ages between 36-40 earned 810£ weekly, which is with 400£ more than the other
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. The
graduates
Use synonyms
 with a higher
degree
Use synonyms
 have the lowest weekly
earnings
Punctuation problem
earnings,
show examples
 attributed to the people between ages 21 and 25
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the highest one for
the
Use the right word
those
show examples
ones
Use synonyms
 in the range of 40 years old to 45,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 earned 750£.
Overall
Linking Words
, the weekly earnings of full-time graduate employees by type of
degree
Use synonyms
 and
age
Use synonyms
, climbed gradually from ages 21-25 to generally the
ones
Use synonyms
 in the 36-45
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 earning the most in 2002.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, age, degree, ones, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion of expenditure
  • Revenue
  • Categories
  • Significant changes
  • Spending habits
  • Relatively stable
  • Inflation
  • Lifestyle
  • Investments
  • Academic materials
  • Entertainment
  • Accommodation
  • Utilities
  • Food
  • Transportation
  • Miscellaneous expenses
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