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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace?

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Women
Use synonyms
 nowadays have more chances to get
further
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 education and have good job opportunities
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men
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 than
before
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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, they could
also
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 resolve many problems of gender inequality in work
such
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 as low
paid
Replace the word
pay
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,
difficult
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difficulty
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to
Change preposition
in
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promote
Replace the word
promotion
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 and many others that
makes
Change the verb form
make
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 them restricted
to succeed
Change preposition
from succeeding
show examples
 in their fields.
Therefore
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, it needs to enforce principal
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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 to make greater equality. No one can deny the fact that the government could take the lead by promoting the same number of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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 in parliament. It can encourage the confidence of
women
Use synonyms
 employment in companies
as well as
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 give their competition to become normal. So that it could establish the socially-advanced models and reduce gender inequality in the world. A better example is that many billionaires themselves are
women
Use synonyms
 and it is convincing evidence of
women
Use synonyms
’s ability.
However
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,
this
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 process needs persistence and time because it takes much effort and quite long to have a consequence. It can
also
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 be argued that the rank and average
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 of
men
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 and
women
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would
Verb problem
should
show examples
 be published by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organizations and researchers to clear the present situation and promote fair pay in society.
In addition
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, the role of productivity has become more important now, so earning the same amount of equivalent work is a way to encourage equality in the workplace.
However
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, some figures in many articles are just a side of the problem, so it is important to have critical thinking when reading them. In conclusion, to have gender equality, the government must set a good example
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 both employees and employers
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also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
tackle action.
Moreover
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, concern about the information of figure salary between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
. It is a very difficult journey but the result is
also
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 worth it.

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task response
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed and supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a more clear and cohesive flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use transition words to link ideas and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary, use more varied and precise words to express ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Vary sentence structures and use complex sentences for a higher score.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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