In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace?

#spite #advances #women #education #employment #promotion #equality #opportunity #men #workplace

Women

nowadays have more chances to get

further

education and have good job opportunities

Change preposition

apply

show examples

men

than

before

Rephrase

apply

show examples

Nevertheless

, they could

also

resolve many problems of gender inequality in work

such

as low

paid

Replace the word

pay

show examples

difficult

Replace the word

difficulty

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

promote

Replace the word

promotion

show examples

and many others that

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

them restricted

to succeed

Change preposition

from succeeding

show examples

in their fields.

Therefore

, it needs to enforce principal

effort

Fix the agreement mistake

efforts

show examples

to make greater equality. No one can deny the fact that the government could take the lead by promoting the same number of

men

and

women

in parliament. It can encourage the confidence of

women

employment in companies

as well as

give their competition to become normal. So that it could establish the socially-advanced models and reduce gender inequality in the world. A better example is that many billionaires themselves are

women

and it is convincing evidence of

women

’s ability.

However

this

process needs persistence and time because it takes much effort and quite long to have a consequence. It can

also

be argued that the rank and average

earning

Fix the agreement mistake

earnings

show examples

men

and

women

would

Verb problem

should

show examples

be published by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

organizations and researchers to clear the present situation and promote fair pay in society.

In addition

, the role of productivity has become more important now, so earning the same amount of equivalent work is a way to encourage equality in the workplace.

However

, some figures in many articles are just a side of the problem, so it is important to have critical thinking when reading them. In conclusion, to have gender equality, the government must set a good example

as well

Correct word choice

and

show examples

both employees and employers

also

Rephrase

apply

show examples

tackle action.

Moreover

, concern about the information of figure salary between

men

and

women

. It is a very difficult journey but the result is

also

worth it.

Submitted by sinh.ielts on Wed Jul 26 2023

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Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed and supported with relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

Work on providing a more clear and cohesive flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use transition words to link ideas and paragraphs.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary, use more varied and precise words to express ideas.

grammatical range

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Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. many others prefer to work for a small company first. compare and contrast their choices and express your opinion

Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties having enough sleep what are problems caused by lack of sleep? What can be done about this lack of sleep?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+