IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some places, money earned from tourism has become an important part of the national economy. What are the advantages and disadvantages of relying on tourism as a major source of national revenue? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#places #money #tourism #part #economy #source #revenue
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Tourism
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 contributes a significant part of national
income
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 in some
countries
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. There are both benefits and drawbacks for the
over reliance
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over-reliance
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 on
tourism
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.
While
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tourism
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 can speed up
economical
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economic
show examples
 development in some
countries
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, it is vulnerable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economical
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economic
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 and political changes in the
neighboring
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neighbouring
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countries
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.
Firstly
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,
tourism
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 benefits the local economy. A rising number
tourists
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of tourists
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 results in an increasing demand for different services,
such
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 as hotels, catering and transportation.
Hence
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, the local people can have more job opportunities.
Moreover
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, local infrastructure can be significantly improved thanks to the rise in government
income
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 brought by
tourism
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.
For instance
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, Bali was a poor island but was transformed
to
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into
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 a popular resort area contributing millions of dollars to the Indonesian government.
However
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,
tourism
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 is prone to instabilities
occurred
Wrong verb form
occurring
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 in the global economic and political environment. To illustrate, the global economic decline in 2008 led to a decrease in
peoples’
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people’s
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income
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, particularly in
western
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Western
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 developed
countries
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. They were not willing to spend money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 overseas travelling. Another example is the outbreak of COVID-19 in 2020. The governments decided to
lockdown
Correct your spelling
lock down
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 their
countries
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and
Correct word choice
which
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 resulted in a plummet in
tourism
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.
Over dependence
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Over-dependence
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 on
tourism
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 as national
income
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 is not secure.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
tourism
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 has upsides and downsides for nations.
Although
Linking Words
tourism
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 is beneficial to the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 progress
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 local communities, it is vulnerable to changes in other regions.
The governments
Correct article usage
Governments
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 should be more careful when
relying
Add the preposition
onrelying
uponrelying
show examples
tourism
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 as a major source of revenue.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Economic diversification
  • Tourist influx
  • Hospitality sector
  • Eco-tourism
  • Cultural commodification
  • Environmental degradation
  • Revenue stream
  • Cultural heritage
  • Service industry
  • Economic stimulus
  • Market volatility
  • Gentrification
  • Carrying capacity
  • Cultural assimilation
What to do next:
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