IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important.Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#university #education #job #hand #people #skills
The longstanding debate over whether getting an educational degree after graduating
university
Change preposition
from university
show examples
 is the best method to be employed has sparred conflicts between various masses.
Although
 finishing
university
 with good grades is essential, I believe that getting beforehand experience and improving soft skills is far more vital to get a proper
job
. On the one hand, proponents of graduating
Change preposition
from university
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 mention that developed companies pay
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
close attention to
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 resume which contains his or her educational level.
For instance
, if an individual has a high level of
university
 degree, the chances of them being accepted
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 far more probable by international companies,
such
 as Facebook and Google, because it is the most important motive to employ someone.
Furthermore
, working systems in advanced universities are correlated with that of companies, meaning that graduating
university
Change preposition
from university
show examples
 can expand the individual's knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
particular
Add an article
the particular
a particular
show examples
job
as well as
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
 familiar experience.
However
, I believe that employment rates after graduation illustrate that the probability of getting a good
job
 is massively
depended
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on
individual
Add an article
the individual
show examples
.
On the other hand
, people who share the opposing view say that experiencing
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 environment and developing technological capabilities before being employed is far more crucial. The reason is that people usually tend to leave their
job
due to
 building weak relationships with other colleagues which create dissatisfaction in
working
Add an article
the working
a working
show examples
 environment. In conclusion,
although
 completing
university
 in order to get a high-income
job
 might have a significant effect, In my point of view gaining experience and improving soft skillset is more crucial
due to
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of negative working conditions between employees.
Submitted by tukezaliyeva96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: