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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart beolw three regions ro les procuctive. The table shows how these causes afected the world during the 1990s. Summarise hte information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart beolw three regions ro les procuctive. The table shows how these causes afected the world during the 1990s. Summarise hte information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#beolw #three #regions #ro #procuctive #world #summarise #hte #information #features #comparisons
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The shown pie chart shows the percentages of causes of worldwide
land
Use synonyms
degradations
Fix the agreement mistake
degradation
show examples
 during
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
, which are the three countries
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
north
America
Use synonyms
,
Europe
Use synonyms
, and Oceania. The three
cause
Change the form of the verb
causes
show examples
 of
degradation
Use synonyms
 are
deforestation
Use synonyms
, over-grazing,
over cultivation
Add a hyphen
over-cultivation
show examples
, and others.     As can be seen that the lowest total
land
Use synonyms
degraded
Replace the word
degradation
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 is the North
America
Use synonyms
 about 5%. North
America
Use synonyms
, got a very small proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
deforestation
Use synonyms
 0.2%.
This
Linking Words
 percentage doesn't
affected
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 that much.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, the over cultivation
rate
Use synonyms
 is an insignificant minority 3.3 only%.
Also
Linking Words
, what about
over grazing
Correct your spelling
overgrazing
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 is 1.5%, it can be clearly seen that the
ratios
Change the noun form
ratio
show examples
degradation
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North
America
Use synonyms
 doesn't
counts
Change the verb form
count
show examples
. 
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Europe
Change noun form
Europe's
show examples
 total
land
Use synonyms
 degraded
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is considered the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 that
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 23%. The most harmful came from
deforestation
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 9.8%.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That's
show examples
 why agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 becomes less productive. We have to spread awareness through social media to reduce
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 in
Europe
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, Oceania
over grazing
Correct your spelling
overgrazing
show examples
 (11.3) is the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cases
Correct article usage
the cases
show examples
 of worldwide
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 , and the
others
Change noun form
other's
others'
show examples
land
Use synonyms
degraded
Replace the word
degradation
show examples
 rates
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 even above 2%.  
Overall
Linking Words
, 
Europe
Use synonyms
 suffered more from farmland
degradation
Use synonyms
 than the other regions and the main causes there were
deforestation
Use synonyms
 and over-cultivation.
Submitted by hamoudisayyah on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, america, europe, degradation, deforestation, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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