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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to leam how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. #people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time #leam

The discussion of social
skills
Use synonyms
 is surely one that begs the question of how exactly youngsters should spend their leisure. In my opinion ,
due to
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 the unique personalities of children,supporting a balance between social and personal development will be the most
apropos
Correct word choice
appropriate
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 choice. One clear fact is that
organizing
Change the spelling
organising
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 group activities will teach a plethora of qualities
;
Punctuation problem
,
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such
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 as
co-operations
Use the right word
cooperation
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 and caring for others' opinions. What is more important is the ability to work
together with
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 people of different attributes. All these
skills
Use synonyms
 are necessary to be a responsible member of society .
Hence
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,the learned traits of an early age will remain with them throughout their life.
Nevertheless
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 , Students require some free time for self-growth
as well as
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 the identity of their unique talents and
passion
Fix the agreement mistake
passions
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.
This
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 can be understood when considering the long hours of study and homework load;
only
Correct pronoun usage
they only
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a
Verb problem
have a
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few hours left for themselves.
Therefore
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,children can relish their spare hours embracing their personal interests .Take an example ,there are some
skills
Use synonyms
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 music and other IT require plenty of practice
as well as
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 concentration;
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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results in the
overall
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 development of personality . To illustrate
further
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,history shows several examples of introverted individuals who
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
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 out
a
Change preposition
with a
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great personality after spending personal space to brush up on their
skills
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, both sides present strong arguments;
however
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,each person holds a different
personality-some
Use the right word
personality
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 are
extroverts
Replace the word
extroverted
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 and others are
introverts
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
. Parents should not force their offspring to go out rather than stay home .Given that both aspects have their own traits ,so, children should decide how they would like to spend their free day.

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task
Work on clear plan. Start with a short intro, then two clear body para, and a short end. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
idea
The essay shows both sides and gives a view of balance.
structure
There is a clear intro and conclusion.
content
Some good examples are used like music and study.
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