IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort o f punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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I agree that it is important for
children
Use synonyms
 to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. In my experience, if
children
Use synonyms
didn’t
Wrong verb form
don’t
show examples
 know what kind
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
were
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 right or wrong, it may lead to a tragedy. Like my nephew, my auntie really over-spoiled him.
For example
Linking Words
, one day my nephew broke his classmate’s bottles, he
don’t
Wrong verb form
didn’t
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 even say sorry to his classmate and he just cried and said that wasn’t his fault, after that when the school teacher called my auntie, my auntie just
help
Wrong verb form
helped
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 him with no
punishment
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 and distinction and said sorry to his classmate and said that she will pay for his mistake. When my nephew
has grown
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 up, he made a similar mistake, he
won’t
Correct your spelling
wouldn’t
 realize that it was his fault and
make
Verb problem
apply
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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apologize. Based on
this
Linking Words
 story, I think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 is necessary to help
children
Use synonyms
 who get in trouble to learn the distinction.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I think physical
punishment
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is permit
Wrong verb form
permits
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the parents to teach good behaviour to
children
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, but it’s not a way to teach. I think the best way for both parents and teacher were the
punishment
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of restricting
Change preposition
restrict
show examples
children
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to use
Change preposition
from using
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 their mobile phone or other 3C appliances
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because my little brother will listen to my mother’s words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if my mother says that she might take away his mobile phone when my little brother does the wrong things. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 learn right and wrong
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an early age is really important, and sometimes
punishment
Use synonyms
 is necessary to help them know it properly.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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