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Band 4

The international community must act immediately to ensure all nations to reduce their consumption of fossil fuels e.g gas and oil. Do you agree or disagree?

#community #act #nations #consumption #fuels #e #g #gas #oil
In recent days, fossil
fuels
such
 as gas, oil and coal have declined nature alarming to all countries find alternatives to reduce their use. In my opinion, firmly agree with the notion because excessive use is harmful to humans and
also
 animals. I will discuss the effects of fossil
fuels
 in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are numerous negative effects of the usage of fossil
fuels
. The combustion of gas produces a toxic substance of carbon dioxide which directly affects living creatures and
causing of
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 climate change. The weather these days is unpredictable because of climate change.
Moreover
, ozone depletion creates a cause of climate change.
In other words
, UV rays are
direct
Replace the word
directly
show examples
reflect
Wrong verb form
reflected
show examples
 on the Earth which leads to skin cancer in the human body.
Furthermore
, the international community
promote
Verb problem
encourages
show examples
all nations to reduce the usage of fossil
fuels
 because the prominent reason that is non-renewable energy or
fuels
 in the near future
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will be extinct.
Hence
, these authorities suggest that find alternative options
instead
 of fossil
fuels
.
For example
, the prime
mister
Correct your spelling
minister
show examples
 of India promotes electrical vehicles which save non-renewable energy. The survey by the Environment Department predicted that in Saudi Arabia, the production of gasoline and oil would decline in 2025 and the country no longer be able to export. In conclusion, the main cause of air pollution which creates by non-renewable sources.
Consequently
, all countries must work together to prevent the
further
 depletion of fossil
fuels
 and find alternative ways.
Submitted by jeetkacha13 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the main argument and the conclusion is too abrupt. Try to improve the coherence by providing a clearer introduction and a more developed conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that the response directly addresses the prompt. Your essay should focus on whether the international community should act immediately to ensure all nations reduce their consumption of fossil fuels. Improve clarity by linking each point directly to the task question.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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