IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #towns #cities
Nowadays, shopping is
never-ending
Correct article usage
a never-ending
show examples
 activity, it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a hobby for some and a leisure activity for others. A group of people believes that online shopping
sites
 will replace local
stores
. I completely agree with
this
 statement. I will explain my opinion with relevant examples in the following paragraphs. The foremost reason is these
sites
 are providing flexibility to their customers. A person can order anything from anywhere at any time and get their home deliveries.
For example
,in a recent survey held for preferred shopping mode in a town in Gujarat, 90% of respondents chose flexible online
stores
. People do not have enough time to go somewhere and buy stuff,
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 they can complete their hectic schedule and
then
 buy things
while
 they are in bed.
Thus
,
due to
 less comfort, offline
stores
 are losing their popularity.
Moreover
, in
this
 busy era, we miss many functions, celebrations and birthday parties, but many online
gift
sites
 are sending gifts on
behalf
Correct pronoun usage
our behalf
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
, popular
gift
sites
such
 as IGP
is allowing
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 everyone to send a
gift
 to a family or friend who is in India despite the sender being in Canada.
This
 type of service attracts more and more clients towards them.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 at the same time offline
gift
 shops can not provide
this
 facility.
In addition
, return policies achieved the trust of their customers. They have no worries about wrong or damaged products.
Furthermore
, instant delivery and targeted marketing are eye-catching. In conclusion,
according to
 my point of view, in-person shops have no more future
due to
 the increasing advantages of online
stores
.
Submitted by madaliyaparul on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that you directly address the given question and provide a clear opinion. Avoid excessive repetition of points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas within paragraphs and use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: