IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that school and government should take responsibility to transport children to school. While some people think that parents should get children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there is a debate about who should be responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
. Some people believe governments should take the responsibility of
commuting
Verb problem
transporting
show examples
 students to
school
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,
while
Linking Words
 opponents argue that
children
Use synonyms
 should be safeguarded by
parents
Use synonyms
 when they are going to
school
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. In
this
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 essay, I would like to
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
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 the two statements above and give my own opinion that
school
Use synonyms
 is supposed to be the sector that transports students to
school
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. On one hand, there are several reasons why some people insist that schools should take the responsibility. First of all,
school
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 buses are of higher quality compared with common personal vehicles, and will decrease the rate of injury when there is an accident.
Accordingly
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,
school
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 buses are considered to be able to better secure students’ safety.
Besides
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, the
school
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 bus, as a form of public transportation, has the potential to release (the 去掉
)
Punctuation problem
apply
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 traffic stress, particularly during rush hours.
For example
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, traffic
jam
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jams
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become a significant trend in big cities
due to
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 the increasing number of private car
usage
Replace the word
users
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.
According to
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 the study conducted by
Public
Correct article usage
the Public
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 Transport Association in the U.S., the average time spent
a
Correct article usage
apply
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the traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 each year for a person is 400 hours.
Therefore
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,
Using
Fix capitalization
using
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school
Use synonyms
 buses could be an efficient way to cope with
this
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 issue.
On the other hand
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, the opponents argue that
parents
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 should not be replaced by others when it comes to getting
children
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 to
school
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. One of the considerations could be that they believe
parents
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 can better discipline their
children
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 than
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
.
For instance
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, during my student days, there were often classmates who arrived late or even skipped
school
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 entirely.
However
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, their
parents
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 were completely unaware of it.
Therefore
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, the lack of supervision from
parents
Use synonyms
 towards their
children
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 can lead to a decline in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 academic performance and eventually dropping out.
Moreover
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, they may hope to have more liberty in
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
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 routine
,
Punctuation problem
;
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in other words
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, they can decide their own time to take
children
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 to
school
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.
While
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 both sides make sense, after considering public transportation, the safety factor mentioned above, I believe that
school
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 can be a better choice in terms of taking
children
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 to
school
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.

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task
State a clear thesis in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
structure
Give one main reason for each side with a brief example.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences and common words.
content
Check facts and avoid uncertain data such as exact figures you are not sure of.
cohesion
Link ideas with simple connectors and keep pronouns clear.
conclusion
Finish with a strong, clear opinion and a short closing.
content
The essay discusses both views and gives an opinion.
content
Examples are used to support points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • school
  • government
  • parents
  • children
  • transport
  • bus
  • walk
  • cycle
  • car
  • route
  • distance
  • safety
  • cost
  • money
  • support
  • equal
  • need
  • plan
  • policy
  • program
  • option
  • independence
  • attendance
  • access
  • safety
What to do next:
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