IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, some work place tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is positive or negative development?

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The tendency of employing an equal number of men and women workers seems to keep increasing in some workplaces in
this
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 day and age. From my aspect, I reckon that it is a positive development in the case of separating properly depending on each field. At first glance, the number of workers in an enterprise is crucial in either quantity or work quality, on top of that, sex is a part of job application and the consumers tend to be interested in it so some are exposed to sex bias. From the incident, most entrepreneurs desire to recruit men and women equally in order to
encounter
Verb problem
avoid
show examples
 the attack by hiring one from many factors.
For instance
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, judging by the experience in both periods of time and the projects created. The solution
turns
Verb problem
brings
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 up a lot of benefits
as a result
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 of being able to show the ability fully,
that is
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, the job with creativity, it is not needed to separate the appearance.
On the contrary
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, some work fields use solely the strength or detailing of the employee, the development does not appear the benefits
due to
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 physical condition. Despite creativity being crucial in some fields, working hard and well is still a must.
For example
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, women seem to be more effective in detailing, in parallel, men can make more profits in strength
thus
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 the company can reap lots of income by discreting properly regardless of the amount number of workers.
To sum up
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, I opine that the biggest success comes from selecting people to work in the proper position. Sex is just a part of some sort of field, on the flip side, appearance and necessity are
also
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 needed, it is a positive development and poses some mistakes at the same time.

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task response
The essay somewhat addresses the prompt, but the response lacks clarity and coherence. The ideas are not fully developed and lack specificity. The examples provided are not entirely relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear overall structure, and the introduction and conclusion are vague. The progression of ideas is not smooth, and there are coherence and cohesion issues throughout the essay. The connections between ideas are unclear, causing confusion for the reader.
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