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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three period and whether they were studying full-time and part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three period and whether they were studying full-time and part-time.
#men #women #education #britain #three #period
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The bar graph depicts the details about the
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and females in
Britian
Correct your spelling
Britain
 who were
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
education
Use synonyms
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 during a
three year
Add a hyphen
three-year
show examples
 period from 1970 to 1990. Throughout the period from 1970 to 1990, more
number
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 of
males
Use synonyms
 and females
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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opted for part-
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of full-
time
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. In 1970, most of the
males
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 have done their higher
education
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 part-
time
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, but
this
Linking Words
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped in 1980 and
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
raised
rise
 again in 1990.
However
Linking Words
, there has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
been a gradual rise in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 who have opted for
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 from 1970 to 1990. An upward trend in the
number
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 of
woman
Change to a plural noun
women
show examples
 can be observed who have taken up
further
Linking Words
 studies
part-
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 from 1970 which has reached the highest in 1990 beating the
number
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 of men in part-
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
. A similar increase in the
number
Use synonyms
 of female students has been noticed in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 higher studies.
Submitted by shuaibshariff321 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, males, education, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 2 times.
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