Some people say that children should spend their free time on clubs and extra classes. Other, however, believe they should spend their leisure time doing activities with their families. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #time #clubs #classes #leisure #activities #families

Many people think that kids should go to

clubs

and extra classes in their free time.For it helps children achieve higher grades.Others believe they should spend their time on family activities.Since they don't get to see them as much when

there

Correct your spelling

they are

show examples

at school. I believe they should do both. The main reason why minors should go to extra periods

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is getting better grades.

For instance

, when they find a subject difficult, taking an extra class would help them understand the subject , and get them a higher grade. Another benefit,

clubs

can discover a child's special talent.

For example

, many famous footballers say that they first learnt football from

such

school

clubs

,and without these

clubs

Add a comma

show examples

they most likely would have not gone pro.

On the other hand

, kids going to extra classes and so, can be unhealthy for the family.Because with all these outside-the-house activities young ones could neglect their family.Causing fewer interactions in the household, and parents feeling unloved by their kids. For

this

reason, some parents think children should stay at home in their free time. in conclusion,

although

children going to extra periods and

clubs

have more benefits,family activities can't be left out,for the healthy being of the child. My opinion

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is that they should try to balance the two.

Submitted by hmody_b on Sun Jul 30 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

217 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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