Some people say that children should spend their free time on clubs and extra classes. Other, however, believe they should spend their leisure time doing activities with their families. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Many people think that kids should go to
clubs
and extra classes in their free time.For it helps children achieve higher grades.Others believe they should spend their time on family activities.Since they don't get to see them as much when
there
Correct your spelling
they are
show examples
at school. I believe they should do both. The main reason why minors should go to extra periods
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is getting better grades.
For instance
, when they find a subject difficult, taking an extra class would help them understand the subject , and get them a higher grade. Another benefit,
clubs
can discover a child's special talent.
For example
, many famous footballers say that they first learnt football from
such
school
clubs
,and without these
clubs
Add a comma
,
show examples
they most likely would have not gone pro.
On the other hand
, kids going to extra classes and so, can be unhealthy for the family.Because with all these outside-the-house activities young ones could neglect their family.Causing fewer interactions in the household, and parents feeling unloved by their kids. For
this
reason, some parents think children should stay at home in their free time. in conclusion,
although
children going to extra periods and
clubs
have more benefits,family activities can't be left out,for the healthy being of the child. My opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is that they should try to balance the two.
Submitted by hmody_b on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: