IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some prefer hobbies that require technology while other people prefer hobbies that don't require technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Hobbies
Use synonyms
 are a necessary element in one's life and help in removing the stress from our regular routine.
while
Linking Words
 some
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
 which need computers,
however
Linking Words
, some
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 activities without machinery. In my view, it depends on individual choice and interest whichever one like to have so in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss both sides. On the one hand, there are some who like to play on computers and mobiles even though it mostly includes teenagers and young generations. These days the
games
Use synonyms
 on computers are so addictive and enjoyable that the young generation spends all their
time
Use synonyms
 playing
games
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such
Linking Words
 as pubg or
candy crush
Correct your spelling
Candy Crush
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, my cousin whenever he came to our house likes to play on his phone rather than playing physically. He always engages in his phone playing
games
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because of the
internet
Use synonyms
, they like to spend
time
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 on the
internet
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such
Linking Words
 as on Facebook, Instagram, or scrolling on the
internet
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. So they prefer their
time
Use synonyms
 using the
internet
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people who are young adults like to read books or play some outside
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as tennis, badminton, and squash as their
past times
Correct your spelling
pastimes
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. They want to relax their body with the help of playing
games
Use synonyms
 or doing meditation. They do not like to use a laptop, or machine for their leisure
time
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 as they want to take out their tension and relieve their mind.
moreover
Linking Words
, some like to go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 adventure trips to avoid work pressure. In conclusion,
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are an important part of people's life and they should do whatever they want to do. I believe that
hobbies
Use synonyms
 provide a way to reduce their fatigue schedule and enjoy their personal space no matter how they choose it with machines or without it.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas; for instance, consider using clearer linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to enhance your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that grammatical structures are consistent and accurate to improve overall clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear discussion of both viewpoints regarding hobbies and technology.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the importance of hobbies.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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