IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successfull career while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #successfull #career #job #school
It is considered by some that having a higher education is the key to a career
that is
 successful and plentiful
while
 others think
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
show examples
 a
job
 immediately after high
school
 would be more beneficial. Despite the writer contending
university
 or college is a more appropriate option for the best
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
career, many people think that they should not waste four years for a degree and information that they do not need in
university
. It must be acknowledged that enrolling at
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 or college is a reliable option that most pupils would choose after graduating high
school
. One of the reasons is the knowledge they get in tertiary education is far more different than what they study in high
school
.
University
 teachers tend to focus on key experiments and experiences
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stand a greater chance of landing a well-earned
job
 rather than teaching a variety of subjects that some of them
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 not for students. Another reason is that some jobs are impossible to apply without a degree. Taking
for example
 law, medicine or teaching, it is impossible to be considered for a position or even succeed without the required educational background as those jobs earn the most respect in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In contrast
, many people think that earning wages from a
job
 straight after high
school
 would help in
financial
Change the article
a financial
show examples
 way.
However
, in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term, it would be harmful
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of tertiary educational background and experiences. Taking the UK as a prime example, where you can apply for a
job
 or
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in
university
 after
finish
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
 high
school
. Studies show that 78% of students after graduate
university
 would have a prospective career path with
well-earned
Correct article usage
a well-earned
show examples
 occupation than those
enter
Correct pronoun usage
who enter
show examples
 the
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 right after high
school
. In conclusion,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
bachelor degree’s holders would have more opportunities to be successful.
Therefore
, the writer thinks that everyone should be encouraged to apply for a
university
 or even
earing
Correct your spelling
earning
show examples
 a scholarship would be helpful for them in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: