IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.
#employees #factories #england #wales
This
 table depicts the workforce
number
 who work in
factories
 in two countries; England and Wales around 50
years
. It is clear from the graph that the ratio of employees has decreased significantly through the period and on the opposite side the manufacturing
number
 has spread in both nations.
According to
 what is shown, in the first 30
years
, in 1851 the total of employees has 477,100
inculding
Correct your spelling
including
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
3 287,100 male and 190 female. Ten
years
 later two
factories
 were
bulit
Correct your spelling
built
 more which almost three hundred thousand men and women. In 1871 the male employees
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 80,123 and the female worker
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
represent three over four from proportion.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
last
 30
years
, in 1881 the
number
 of
factories
 has soured
rocketly
Correct your spelling
rocket
rockets
rocketry
 by 101 compared with
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 ten
years
. And in 1891 the total of
emplyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 are 105 and 65 men and 40 women.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 second year of 1900 the numbered of
factories
 has
decrease
Change the verb form
decreased
show examples
 slightly by 25
as a result
 the total
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workforce has drop until it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
61.
To sum up
, we could say that the
male
Correct quantifier usage
number of male
show examples
empolyess
Correct your spelling
employees
employee
 is much more than the
number
 of female
employess´expect
Correct your spelling
employees expect
 in 1861.
Submitted by ms4066426 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, factories, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: