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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.
#employees #factories #england #wales
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This
Linking Words
 table depicts the workforce
number
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 who work in
factories
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 in two countries; England and Wales around 50
years
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. It is clear from the graph that the ratio of employees has decreased significantly through the period and on the opposite side the manufacturing
number
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 has spread in both nations.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, in the first 30
years
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, in 1851 the total of employees has 477,100
inculding
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including
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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3 287,100 male and 190 female. Ten
years
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 later two
factories
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 were
bulit
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built
 more which almost three hundred thousand men and women. In 1871 the male employees
was
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were
show examples
 80,123 and the female worker
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
represent three over four from proportion.
The
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In the
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last
Linking Words
 30
years
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, in 1881 the
number
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 of
factories
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 has soured
rocketly
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rocket
rockets
rocketry
 by 101 compared with
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 ten
years
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. And in 1891 the total of
emplyees
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employees
 are 105 and 65 men and 40 women.
The
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In the
show examples
 second year of 1900 the numbered of
factories
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 has
decrease
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decreased
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 slightly by 25
as a result
Linking Words
 the total
of
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apply
show examples
workforce has drop until it reached
to
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apply
show examples
61.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that the
male
Correct quantifier usage
number of male
show examples
empolyess
Correct your spelling
employees
employee
 is much more than the
number
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 of female
employess´expect
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employees expect
 in 1861.
Submitted by ms4066426 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, factories, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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