The given graph presents the percentage of women unemployment in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.

#percentage #women #unemployment #country #kingdom

The given graph presents the

percentage

women

unemployment

Replace the word

unemployed

show examples

in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.

According to

the information,England shows the

most

Change the adjective

apply

show examples

highest unemployment

rate

however

Nothern

Correct your spelling

Northern

show examples

Ireland the

rate

is not big.

Generally

Add a comma

,Generally

show examples

the

persentage

Correct your spelling

percentage

of unemployment decreased in all countries,except

Scotland

. In 2013 6,8% of England

women

were unemployed,but

this

rate

decreased only to 0,3% in 2014. As we can see,

Scotland

also

shows the same

rate

as England. In comparison with Wales in 2013 the

percentage

of Nothern Ireland was higher

Change preposition

show examples

0,2%. The lowest amount of

percentage

was in

Nothern

Correct your spelling

Northern

show examples

Ireland, in 2014 there were 4,6% of

women

were unemployed,

also

this

rate

in Wales was not big only 5.0%.

Lastly

,in 2013 the

percentage

of non-working

women

Scotland

was 6,1%,

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

this

increaed

Correct your spelling

increased

by 0,6 in 2014. As can be seen from the graph,the amount of

unepmloyment

Correct your spelling

unemployment

women

in 2014 dropped slightly

than

Change preposition

show examples

2013 in all countries

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but rose slightly in

Scotland

Submitted by dnm.best on Wed Aug 02 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, women, rate, scotland with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

157 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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40.Some people believe governments should spend money in saving languages of few speakers from dying out completely. Others think this is a waste of financial resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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