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Band 4.5

Many people work long hours leaving very little time for leisure activities .does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
Many of them are trying to get success
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
.
Therefore
, they are working long hours without rest time. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 extra time works, individuals are able to get more money.
Thus
, folk continue work; as a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
result society gets more disadvantages rather than advantages.
This
 opinion I am going to explain
further
 paragraphs with relevant examples. On the one hand, everyone works more hours, because people want to become financially
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
As a result
, they can buy a new house, new car…etc. but
likewise
, they forget to maintain their healthy
life
. Unfortunately, many of them get sick. As an example: In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, many employers and employees are suffering from stroke and mental health problems. Because they are unable to engage in exercise or gather with friends because long hours working don’t want to get leisure activities.
On the other hand
, everyone has their own responsibility .But humans are
addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
 to the job they are couldn’t do their responsibilities.
Furthermore
, they don’t have a happy family
life
. Once in a blue
moon
Add a comma
,moon
show examples
 individuals are gathering with family members. And
also
 their children’s school functions no chance to attend.
As a result
, unhappy family
life
 brings separate family
life
.
For instance
, currently, build-up
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
 mother concept in society. A bright future cannot be expected from children growing up in
this
 environment
To conclude
, in my point of view
long hour
Add a hyphen
long-hour
show examples
 working situations have more disadvantages than advantages.
Submitted by himali.deepthi75 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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