IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

When choosing a job, salary should be the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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People have different views on whether income should be the most important for a job or not.
While
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 money is necessary for a person, I do believe that it is vital to take other aspects into consideration. On the one hand, it is a necessity to focus on the salaries we earn and allocate them in an appropriate way.
To begin
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 with, we need a large amount of money to pay for our living costs including education, healthcare, food consumption and transportation.
Besides
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, decent savings and
high-paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
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 jobs would expand our social circle and lead us to a superior hierarchy. On top of that, the dollars we earn usually could equip us with more self-esteem and self-confidence.
For example
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, individuals look up to some individuals who are wealthy from
time
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 to
time
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, because the lifestyles they harbour are greatly luxurious and relaxed.
In addition
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, there is an unavoidable fact that polishing and refining our skills and abilities usually takes a lot of money.
On the other hand
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,there are many other aspects that
also
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 deserve our second thought.
Firstly
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, when job hunters face many companies, they should consider more about whether they can improve their skills and help them to make progress in their professional development.
Moreover
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, a friendly and inclusive atmosphere and a supportive leader all are essential aspects and should be considered.
For instance
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, no one wants to work with a leader who likes to suppress employees and stay in an impersonal company for a long
time
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.
Apart from
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this
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, they need to promise them a bright future, because it means they should judge the industry they join whether is in the sunrise.
As well as
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 that, location is an important element in their consideration. If they spend
much
Rephrase
too much
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time
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 commuting, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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be
Verb problem
become
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 exhausted after the frequent traffic. In conclusion, I can understand the reason why individuals choose salary as the most important consideration when choosing a job, but I would argue that there are more vital matters that need to be considered.

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a good grasp of the topic and presents relevant ideas. Make sure to provide examples that directly relate to the points you make to further strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are supported with relevant examples. To improve, ensure a smoother connection between sentences and paragraphs to enhance overall coherence.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate. To further enrich your lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions relevant to the theme.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, and sentences are well-constructed. Aim to vary your sentence structures and use more complex grammatical forms to enhance the overall grammatical range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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