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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts compare the amount of bachelor’s and master’s graduate pupils who refused to apply for full-time
work
Use synonyms
 after graduation in England in 2008. It is noted that the category of
further
Linking Words
 study is mostly
UK
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 who have chosen, both master's and bachelor one, for the reason that, to not willing to become full-time workers in the year 2008 in the United Kingdom (
UK
Use synonyms
).
By contrast
Linking Words
, the reason for doing voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 is the least choice that they have chosen . Around 3 million
UK
Use synonyms
 university
graduates
Use synonyms
 have planned to have
further
Linking Words
 studies, and those who chose to
work
Use synonyms
 at part-time jobs and suffered from unemployment were reduced to half of the highest one, at approximately 1.8 and 1.6 million
students
Use synonyms
. Working for voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 is the least, only around 3500 pupils choose
this
Linking Words
 reason. For the master
graduates
Use synonyms
, same as the
UK
Use synonyms
 bachelor
graduates
Use synonyms
, the highest category (around 2800
students
Use synonyms
) is the young individuals who choose to
further
Linking Words
 study. Following by the ones who chose to
work
Use synonyms
 for a part-time job, at probably 2500
students
Use synonyms
, only slightly less than around 200
students
Use synonyms
 compared to the ones in
further
Linking Words
 study. Other choices which for unemployment and voluntary
work
Use synonyms
, are both below 2,000
UK
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 to choose for the reasons in explaining why they did not
work
Use synonyms
 for full-time.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, uk, graduates, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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