The graph below shows the proportions of workers in three different sectors in South Korea between 1981 and 2011

The line graph illustrates the shifts in the percentages of employees distributed in three separate sectors in South Korea from 1981 to 2011.

Overall

Linking Words

services

Use synonyms

had precedence over the other two sectors in the employment rate.

While

Linking Words

services

Use synonyms

witnessed an upward trend in the proportion of workers, agriculture showed a downward trend.

In addition

Linking Words

, the figure for the

industry

Use synonyms

fluctuated slightly throughout the period.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the employment rate for

services

Use synonyms

was the highest in 1981. After that, it went up steadily to about 45% in 1986. A similar pattern was seen in the

industry

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

instead

Linking Words

of going down consistently like the

industry

Use synonyms

, the portion of

services

Use synonyms

continued to surge before peaking at approximately 70%

at the end

Linking Words

of the period. Unlike

services

Use synonyms

and

industry

Use synonyms

, the percentage of employees in agriculture decreased significantly from 1981 to 1986.

Then

Linking Words

, it progressively declined and

finally

Linking Words

dropped sharply and hit a low of about 5% in 2011.

songvangproduce

Aug 4, 2023

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words services, industry with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

▼

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

156 words

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In some countries the average of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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