IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The world’s natural resources such as oil, forests, and freshwater are being consumed at an ever-increasing rate. What are the dangers of the situation? what can be done to solve the problem?

#world’s #resources #oil #forests #rate #dangers #situation
In modern times, many authorities make the decision to develop mass transit rather than individual
transport
 systems because of its cheapness and more eco-friendly approach.
However
,
such
 action has
also
 a significant drawback that
connected
Add a missing verb
is connected
show examples
 with
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 budget. From my point of view, the pros outweigh the cons and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I am going to explain why I think so.
Firstly
, it is more economical to improve social
transport
 than to try substituting it with effective systems of roads.
For example
, trains have more space for transportation of international or internal goods; they are more suitable for long-term use. Since the nineteenth century,
this
 type of
transport
 has shown
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 efficiency. It was used during different world wars and was an important and groundbreaking invention for the world economy and for international trade.
In addition
, it could deliver all that was required through the places where usual
transport
 could not.
Secondly
, bus lines produce less pollution than roadways. If all car drivers decided to change their automobiles to buses, the total carbon footprint would dramatically decrease because one bus generates less carbon dioxide emissions than thirty or twenty cars in combination. Apart from buses that use gasoline as fuel, a new electronic version will be spreading and replacing the usual one.
Nevertheless
, reducing investments in building new roads can cause a serious problem for the government. By cutting the number of new roads, it is
also
 destroying the car market, which is a significant source of income for the budget.
Consequently
, there is no finance for maintaining public
transport
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social payments and so forth. Taking everything into account, government funding of public
transport
 has more benefits because of
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 affordability and eco-friendliness.
Although
,
such
 a decision can bring about
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 deficit and following shortage of money for other projects.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: