The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
The graphs illustrate information about changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
qualities
Correct article usage
the qualities
show examples
of local
people
and immigrants and where they live in urban or rural places from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
people
in cities
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
crowded
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
in towns, after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
while
this
trend
not
Add a missing verb
has not
show examples
changed,
whereas
people
in the rural places have been going decreased.
According to
the figure cities most popular to live
for
Change preposition
in for
show examples
the local
people
in 1995 (50%).
However
, after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
while
percentage gradually increased to 65% in 2010. By applying the contrast, local
peole
Correct your spelling
people
choce
Correct your spelling
choice
live in rural
pleces
Correct your spelling
places
was 20% in 1995. After 15-year it decreased to 18% in 2010.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
immigrants
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
prefer live in rural
pleces
Correct your spelling
places
after
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
in 1995 (40%).
However
, after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
while
Add a comma
,while
show examples
it decreased to approximately 6% from the total in 2010.
Whereas
,
people
leaved
Correct your spelling
left
show examples
in cities considerably surged from 60% in 1995 to 80% at the
and
Correct your spelling
end
show examples
of the period in question.
Submitted by pasha2400 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: