The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

#changes #percentage #people #australia #town

The graphs illustrate information about changes

Change preposition

show examples

qualities

Correct article usage

the qualities

show examples

of local

people

and immigrants and where they live in urban or rural places from 1995 to 2010.

Overall

it is clear that

people

in cities

Add a missing verb

are more

show examples

crowded

then

Replace the word

than

show examples

in towns, after

the

Correct article usage

show examples

while

this

trend

not

Add a missing verb

has not

show examples

changed,

whereas

people

in the rural places have been going decreased.

According to

the figure cities most popular to live

for

Change preposition

in for

show examples

the local

people

in 1995 (50%).

However

, after

the

Correct article usage

show examples

while

percentage gradually increased to 65% in 2010. By applying the contrast, local

peole

Correct your spelling

people

choce

Correct your spelling

choice

live in rural

pleces

Correct your spelling

places

was 20% in 1995. After 15-year it decreased to 18% in 2010.

On the other

hand

Add a comma

,hand

show examples

immigrants

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

prefer live in rural

pleces

Correct your spelling

places

after

city

Add an article

the city

a city

show examples

in 1995 (40%).

However

, after

the

Correct article usage

show examples

while

Add a comma

,while

show examples

it decreased to approximately 6% from the total in 2010.

Whereas

people

leaved

Correct your spelling

left

show examples

in cities considerably surged from 60% in 1995 to 80% at the

and

Correct your spelling

end

show examples

of the period in question.

Submitted by pasha2400 on Mon Aug 07 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas, while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

157 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As parents, they should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well and give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way / the only way to reduce poverty(INDIVIDUALS / GOVERNMENT) in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.