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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#changes #percentage #people #australia #town
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The graphs illustrate information about changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
qualities
Correct article usage
the qualities
show examples
 of local
people
Use synonyms
 and immigrants and where they live in urban or rural places from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in cities
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 crowded
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 in towns, after
the
Correct article usage
a
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while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend
not
Add a missing verb
has not
show examples
 changed,
whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in the rural places have been going decreased.
According to
Linking Words
 the figure cities most popular to live
for
Change preposition
in for
show examples
 the local
people
Use synonyms
 in 1995 (50%).
However
Linking Words
, after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
while
Linking Words
 percentage gradually increased to 65% in 2010. By applying the contrast, local
peole
Correct your spelling
people
choce
Correct your spelling
choice
 live in rural
pleces
Correct your spelling
places
 was 20% in 1995. After 15-year it decreased to 18% in 2010.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 immigrants
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
prefer live in rural
pleces
Correct your spelling
places
 after
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 in 1995 (40%).
However
Linking Words
, after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Linking Words
while
Add a comma
,while
show examples
 it decreased to approximately 6% from the total in 2010.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
leaved
Correct your spelling
left
show examples
 in cities considerably surged from 60% in 1995 to 80% at the
and
Correct your spelling
end
show examples
 of the period in question.
Submitted by pasha2400 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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