IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Employer should give longer holidays to employee to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree?

#employer #holidays #employee #job
In the contemporary world, life is too busy to hold on to the things that actually matter. People can not even find the time to relish the beauty and sweetness of their relationships and nature.
Therefore
, it is often advised by many that there should be extended vacations in jobs so individuals can feel refreshed
however
, some feel
otherwise
. I strongly agree with the statement that longer holidays will provide the means of fuelling up the energy needed to accomplish better goals.
Firstly
, with the passage of time, skilled workers are spiking in numbers, so there is increased competition in the job market and professionals now have to work much harder to keep their positions.
Thus
, they are already working more than their capacity and most of the season they are knackered.
This
 could affect the thinking process of employees and can lead to destroying the capabilities they already have.
Therefore
, when they are allowed to relax completely by offering them long vacations, they regain the energy that organisations need to carry on.
Secondly
, when the employees are working around the clock, they can not properly focus on
different
Correct word choice
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other things that are necessary. It includes their families, important pieces of work other than jobs and
further
 education on skills improvement.
For instance
, a lot of professionals like to take international trips during holidays to attend a seminar or workshops related to their profession.
Although
 they are taking their off-season, it will definitely help the company in the long run as their worker is improving an essential component for the betterment of the organisation.
To conclude
, I will say that there are a few chances that
this
 step may lead to laziness and sluggish behaviour by some of the people in the team but
overall
 it would serve a bigger purpose for the employer
as well as
 create a bond of respect between the boss and the team. They will take it as a lovely gesture and token of appreciation and will try harder to prove themselves in the future.
Submitted by Maj on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened with clearer thesis statements and summaries of the main points.
task response
The essay responds to the prompt by arguing in favor of longer holidays for employees. However, the ideas could be more effectively organized and developed, with stronger connections between the paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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