IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jam #measures #governments #people #cars
Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly common for
people
 to own
cars
. It can be shown as social status and achievement in life.
However
, over thirty years many cities become crowded with
people
 that own
cars
. it becomes one big traffic jam. In fact, I agree with the statement and will examine the measures that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can take to discourage
people
 from using
cars
.
To begin
 with, the
government
 can increase the
fuel
 price for private
cars
. By increasing the
fuel
 price, citizens can not buy
fuel
 easily.
Moreover
, they will think twice
to use
Change preposition
about using
show examples
 their
cars
.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 leads them to choose public transportation. For illustration, workers can use public transportation in order to decrease the
expanse
Correct your spelling
expense
show examples
 of transportation
such
 as buses and taxis.
As a result
, air pollution can decrease. The next solution is to make the age limit for
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want to own a car. In
this
 modern era, it is easier
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 to buy a car.
However
, it increases the number of
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 own
cars
 drastically.
This
 trend can make the traffic problem bigger. By giving the age limitation, the
government
 can control the growth of
people
 having
cars
.
For instance
, parents can not easily buy their children aged under 17
cars
 as a gift.
Consequently
, the purchase of the car can be controlled.
To sum up
, an increasing number of
cars owner
Fix the agreement mistake
car owners
show examples
 bring negative impacts
such
 as traffic jams. In order to solve the problem, the
government
 needs to take action. The
government
 needs to increase the price of
fuel
 and put an age limitation for
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want to own
cars
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
Increase the clarity and organization of your introduction and conclusion. Make sure to present a clear and comprehensive response to the question, using relevant and specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay to enhance coherence. Develop stronger connections between your ideas, and ensure that your essay flows smoothly from one point to the next.

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