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Band 4

In many countries an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television in computer and video games. Ton what extent do yo agree or disagree with this view?

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #video #games #ton #yo
Nowadays
smartphones
 became unseperapetable
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of every human being. But a part of society is
conserned
Correct your spelling
concerned
 that using mobile
pone
Correct your spelling
phone
show examples
 is highly antisocial
as well as
 smoking and should be prohibited in
sertain
Correct your spelling
certain
 places.
This
 essay will look into the core of that
problem
 and argue why
this
 solution will be
uneffective
Correct your spelling
ineffective
show examples
. People who face that
problem
 most likely argue that
such
 behaviour makes them feel inconvenient and unwanted.
Therefore
, if
smartphones
 will be banned, that will force real-life
conversation
. But will
this
 decision really help the
conversation
 or will it make it even worse? First of all,
due to
 the shift in the society, people tend to stay in touch with each other in any situation, mostly for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
business reasons. Prohibition of the
smartphones
 will only force their users to go somewhere to check if there
any
Add a missing verb
are any
show examples
 changes. Recent research from Insider shows that the most often reason why someone
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to use their phones
instead
 of real-life
conversation
 is the lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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interest in that
conversation
. If
dialog
Change the spelling
dialogue
show examples
 converts into
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
monolog
Change the spelling
monologue
show examples
 about
uninteresting
Add an article
the uninteresting
an uninteresting
show examples
 story from life or something that
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 person is not interested in, no wonder that they dig
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their mobile devices. It proves that
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
 is not in the mobile phone itself, but rather in
person
Correct article usage
the person
show examples
 who is not interested in communication. It does even a good thing showing that
dialog
Change the spelling
dialogue
show examples
 becomes boring and
unplaesent
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
. In my opinion,
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of
intercommunicational
Correct your spelling
intercommunication
 skills will have
much
Add an article
a much
show examples
 greater impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 socialization
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
prohibition
Add an article
the prohibition
show examples
 of phones. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, it could be said that the core of that
problem
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 in
smartphones
, but in the people themself.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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