The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

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The bar chart compares the percentages of Australian

females

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and males doing regular physical activity in different

age

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groups in the year 2010.

Overall

Linking Words

, women stand first in all

age

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groups, except the 15 to 24

age

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group

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which

men

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ranked first.

Moreover

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, the highest percentage of

females

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doing exercise regularly accounts for the 45 to 54

age

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group

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. In the 15 to 24

age

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group

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men

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stood

first,

Linking Words

and the figure for

men

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was 52.8%,

while

Linking Words

that for women was lower by a narrow margin of 5%. By increasing

age

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groups, the share of women who did regular physical activity increased slightly,

while

Linking Words

that of

men

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decreased to 39.5% which was the minimum percentage in the 35 to 44

age

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group

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. The highest proportion of

females

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who did exercise regularly accounted for the 45 to 54

age

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group

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with 53.3%,

then

Linking Words

it declined to 47.1% in 65 and over,

whereas

Linking Words

the figure for males was almost the same as that for

females

Use synonyms

Submitted by behzad.tahmouresi on Fri Aug 11 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words females, age, group, men with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

163 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Regular exercise
Age demographics
Participation rate
Trend analysis
Gender disparity
Health initiatives
Public health policies
Statistical comparison
Lifestyle choices
Work commitments
Age-related factors
Preventative health
Exercise habits
Surveillance data
Motivators and barriers

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

In some cultures, children’s are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

you have recently visited a city on vacation and stayed in a hotel. Write a letter to the manager about your stay. In your letter: Give details of your stay What were the high & low points of the hotel What are your suggestions; recommendations and / or complaints about the hotel

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

in many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside, Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?