IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

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It has been observed that high positions in several workplaces are
to
Change preposition
for
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 managing elder
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 reckon that young workers
more
Correct your spelling
are
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 superior. In my perspective, I partly agree with that statement since both
ages category
Fix the agreement mistake
age categories
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 have their specific advantages. On the one hand, I agree that
youngstres
Correct your spelling
young
people
Use synonyms
 are more equipped with the latest technology than older,
due to
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 the education path they had completely different than the old teaching method,
hence
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, young
people
Use synonyms
 can operate assignments and tasks quickly
as well as
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 smoothly, because they rely on computer programmes and software as well.
For instance
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, a study conducted by USA University illustrated that The majority of
work
Use synonyms
 platforms currently
are depending
Wrong verb form
depend
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 on technology and the most important requirement for hiring is It skills.
That is
Linking Words
 why, youngsters are mostly required in many jobs because they can manage
work
Use synonyms
 issues in the innovative and technological path. In contrast, for
elder
Replace the word
elderly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 no successful
work
Use synonyms
 can be done without senior employees
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since they have huge
work
Use synonyms
 experiences
work
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 experiences which
let
Wrong verb form
lets
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 them face enterprise issues in a wiser way.
furthermore
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, They can ameliorate adverse situations easily.
In addition
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, those
people
Use synonyms
 have sufficient tips and tricks which are vital in all jobs kind
due to
Linking Words
 their experiences.
For example
Linking Words
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
However
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 have modern ideas and they know more about technology, a large number of international and huge companies always ask for at least 20 years of
work
Use synonyms
 experience for a high position.
as a result
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, elders can face all business obstacles confidently.
To conclude
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, I completely agree that no business can run without neither youngsters or elders
tha
Correct your spelling
that
 is why both of them have their highlighted ups which is no
work
Use synonyms
 can dispense it.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented. Ensure that you introduce the topic and provide a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant specific examples to support your ideas. Make sure the examples are directly related to your main points and contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
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