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Writing Samples
Band 7

The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The given maps illustrate how the town named Islip looked like in 1980 and how it was planned to be changed in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there were significant changes planned in order to develop the town,
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct article usage
the
show examples
elimination of the countryside and the location of industrial buildings and public
places
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, looking at the map of 1980, the major part of the North was taken by the countryside,
while
Linking Words
 in 2005 it was proposed to eliminate
this
Linking Words
 area and replace it with the dual carriageway road that will go around the residential district, industrial buildings and
places
Use synonyms
 of entertainment. There were two lines of
shops
Use synonyms
 in 1980,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 in 2005, it was suggested to establish a big shopping centre
instead
Linking Words
 of one line of
shops
Use synonyms
 and to keep
shops
Use synonyms
 in the middle a bit larger in size. For safety, the pedestrian area was added, which makes it easier to access some
places
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as bus stations, car parks and
shops
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the map in 2005 proposed ideas which make it easier for people to access
places
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 to use their own cars and public transportation.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words places, shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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